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A Few Smiles for a Summer Day

- If my body is ever found on a jogging trail, just know that I was murdered somewhere else and dumped there.

- Respect your elders. They graduated from school without the internet.

- I’ve decided that I’m not old. I’m 25 plus shipping and handling.

- It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the stop at the end.

- The person who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

- In my defense I was left unsupervised.

- My decision-making skills closely resemble those of a squirrel when crossing the road.

- Some things are just better left unsaid and I usually realize it right after I say them.

- A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

- I thought getting old would take longer.

- A wise man once said nothing.

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. - If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.


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